I saw Labyrinth for the first time.

Cassie suggested that I watch Labyrinth.

I did.

Jennifer Connelly was so weird in a truthful pre-pubescent way that I had no other choice but to believe Jennifer Connelly in real life was just as weird as Sarah.

The prevalence of David Bowie’s crotch was unsettling, but this was resolved by his dancing around with Toby, something I found very amusing. I wondered if the baby actor sought years of therapy as an adult after having recurring nightmares of Jim Henson’s mutilated dancing puppets?

My favorite part, as I’m sure would have been favorite part when I was 7 years old, was when David Bowie roofies Sarah and she has her erotic dream about David Bowie and his bedroom eyes. I cared less about the romantic signals and more about Jennifer Connelly’s amazing teased hair with all the flair, and the iridescent neon dress with the corset and the awesomely large puff sleeves. This was 1986 at its stylistic height!

The major life lesson I took away from this viewing was: don’t wish your baby brother away, otherwise you will spend an eternity [evening] battling David Bowie and have to navigate both a physical and metaphysical labyrinth to get him back. Jennifer Connelly expended way more energy than I would be comfortable exerting on such a mission, thus, I will not be wishing my 31-year-old brother into exile any time soon.

Other Movies I’ve Just Seen For the First Time:
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
The NeverEnding Story


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