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Yesterday I received a small nugget of pop culture education. Dominic and I watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. For the past 26 years I have managed to remain ignorant of the valuable history lessons that this film holds. Namely, that Ferris Bueller was the original Kevin McCallister and Jennifer Grey really was the face of the 80s.

It’s probably hard for you  anyone (except me) to understand the vast exaggeration that people make of Ben Stein’s “anyone” bit. Can you imagine being 27 and for your (perceived) entire life hearing people say “Anyone? Anyone?” as if this was a brilliant line they conjured up on their own, and then hearing other people laugh like it was funny, and you still being completely stumped as to what this meant, and then being 27 and seeing this movie and thinking “wow, I haven’t been missing anything this entire time?” Well, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME YESTERDAY.

Cable television also had this effect on me several years ago. Or maybe it’s an ineffect as I haven’t really been all that impressed with its self proclaimed superiority over the antennae television of my youth.

I’m still holding out hope that at least some of the other items on my list may yield some sort of pop culture nirvana:
The Breakfast Club, I was told the other week it was a movie about existentialism. I’m skeptical.
Taco Bell, any value from this experience seems highly unlikely given that I like $20 enchiladas from a grammatically incorrect Mexican chain in New York.
Anchorman, specifically to understand the context of “I’m kind of a big deal.”
Slurpees, or is it not plural?
Sixteen Candles
Pretty in Pink
Never Ending Story

This is where you grab your face and pull your eyes back and scream “WHAT DID YOU DO YOUR ENTIRE CHILDHOOD?” and I look at you like “I don’t know.”

If you have other suggestions, please leave them below or on the social media of your choice, I think I’d like to compile a user-generated list and make a mockery of myself.

[gif created by me. At least I am not missing out on the memes of the 21st century.]

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Strickly.

This is just a short list, but I think you will find if you ponder them for long enough, that your brain might actually explode inside your skull.

1) Marriage contracts. I mean, at first thought, this seems like a repulsive idea. How dare we! Then, as Pepper Schwartz, a sociology professor at the University of Washington, says “It’s back to the past, which used to involve dowry, bride price, economic arrangement. Nobody pretended this was not an economic arrangement… [but] it’s newly arrived at after a period of extreme romanticism.”

I’ve only just come to the realization that when people get engaged, not everyone is like, SO THRILLED. Though I am not particularly proud of being an asshole, I have been involved in conversations at weddings that are like “I bet you $20 this thing doesn’t last two years.” I think I’d much prefer for people to come to my second wedding and be like “yeah, in 20 years this thing will be legally dissolved.”

2) Rethinking Sleep. I have mostly been pondering this when I wake up in the middle of the night and stare at the ceiling, or turn my bedside light on and write and sketch. I’ve decided it’s most productive to be awake when no one else is awake because you’re not getting distracted by everyone being alive. This article suggests that you’d eventually fall back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night. Or, if you’re me, you’ll just somehow stay awake for the rest of the day.

Yeah, I don’t know how I’ve been pulling it off either.

3) And on the least most serious note. These gold pants have been really doing it for me lately. I finally solved the mystery of how to wear those coated leather looking jeans, so now I’m onto more ambitious things, like looking like C-3PO.

c3po

I’m pretty confident that I can’t wear these without looking absurd in a bad way, so I think my great love for them will remain a great internet romance.

kripalu room 1

My mother’s birthday was last week. Last year she went to Kripalu with her best friend from high school for a weekend of yoga and whatnot. This year, her bff was unable to attend. Daughter is semi-equivalent to bff, so I got to go.

kripalu room 2 I had no expectations. Well, almost none. I was told the food is delicious. What I was told is correct. Though, really, I could have been eating dog food all weekend and still had a fulfilling 3 days.

flower in the field

[Yes, that is a flower on my butt in a field of flowers.]

Thursday and Friday I had many hours of yoga and a kayak outing on the lake. Over the weekend I took a mindfulness seminar with Dr. Ronald Siegel. It was actually called “This Very Moment” which ironically, I kept forgetting the name of and had to refer to the paper handout with my schedule on it. in the field In short, the workshop was about being more mindful and present of both the mundane and more significant moments in life. It also used a lot of meditation. There was some sitting on the floor and meditating, but we also did an eating meditation and a walking meditation. Seeing as just a few weeks ago I started to meditate to start getting better sleep, doing this workshop was like amphetamine meditation. Dr. Siegel is the shit, and by that I mean, he lectured for something close to 12 hours and never strayed or lost his place. He could be serious, but injected the perfect balance of humor. I also enjoyed that he looked like Mark Twain. flower There’s not much I can say to properly describe my experience at Kripalu. But, I am best at making lists, so I can tell you what I learned.

1. We would all be better off if we would just emulate our child-selves a little bit more First yoga class upon arrival: instructor instructs “now, let’s try to put our foot behind our head.” It is doubtful that anyone actually did this, but we were instructed to “try” and to sort of roll around on the ground trying to make it happen. The mindfulness workshop also encouraged us to play with our food in order to fully experience it.

Last week I watched kids at the country club pool run back and forth between the grass and the lawn chairs. What they were running to and from, I have no idea. But, as I was lethargically draped over my own chair I thought “Jesus, I wonder how many calories they’re burning.” Then I envied them for a while, thinking about how pathologic I would look if I were just to get up and start running to and fro for absolutely no reason.

2. Everything changes. This is self evident, no? I guess I knew this before, I just never focused on it. Or maybe I just needed a PsyD to bring it to light.

3. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I am half Asian, therefore, I am hard on myself 50% of the time. I plan on improving this, in the direction of not being so ridiculously rigid and anal retentive all of the goddamn time. the romper After eating vegetables for so many days and sitting with our eyes closed, we stopped at Jacob’s Pillow to see Luna Negra in the Doris Duke Theatre on the way home yesterday. I wore a romper. My mom and I enjoyed each other’s company in the real world, and then we both really enjoyed the show. I tried to explain to her how the last piece performed, Requiem, reminded me of Max Ernst’s Two Children are Threatened By A Nightingale. Maybe you just had to be there, but the dancers were all wearing khaki and various colors that are reminiscent of the colors in the painting/object. Plus, there was rope strung across the stage that converged on one point somewhere in the wing. Maybe all that yoga and meditating made my mind more pliable. Or not, because I couldn’t remember the name of the painting or Max Ernst when I tried to explain it after the show. Meditating for 3 days may have made me more in touch with my thoughts, but distanced me from actually having a brain. sunset We drove back to Connecticut on back roads and it was sunny and lovely and summery and I managed to not think about mortality or being distrustful of other drivers who drive too fast on winding country roads. I’m making meditative progress!

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If you’ve been wondering where I’ve been.

Don’t worry.

I have too.

Some things to catch you up to speed:

1) I was in Connecticut for the weekend.
2) I saw a black bear GALLOPING across the street this morning at 8am on my way to the train. I was so shocked my brain didn’t even acknowledge what it was. It was a bear! That shit was bananas. DW, I called animal control.

3) I’m still trying to formulate the words to express that I have an urge to move beyond New York, but I read On Leaving New York and thought yeah, when I blog about my need to leave New York I will reference this article. That blog post will come… someday.

4) This is the face of my new boyfriend that appears in my dreams.

5) These are so stupid but so entertaining.

6) Also, Earnest shit on my parents carpet this weekend. We don’t know when it happened as I only spotted it as I was eating breakfast. We were all highly amused.

7) Also, if you’ve written me an email in the past 3 days I will get back to you tomorrow. I won’t say “Promise” because I don’t need to say that in order for me to get me to do things, but know that if I did say things like that that I would say it here.

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1) Saturday I was walking Earnest to the dog park and ended up behind an older man and a somewhat younger woman. They were both laughing lightheartedly. They were also both smoking. As I walked behind them I thought “what are you laughing about? You’re killing yourselves!” And maybe it was at that moment that I realized my love affair with smoking was over.

2) I have been seeing some Facebook posts lately by people I am not really friends with who insist on using ALL CAPS TO DRAW MORE ATTENTION TO THEIR MASS SELLING PYRAMID SCHEMES. I’m not into it, but I do have an intense fascination with how things like selling Mary Kay and Tupperware actually work since most people’s social circles are not big or deep enough to withstand someone CONSTANTLY SELLING THINGS in an obnoxious maner and the fact is that the people selling them are likely not sales gurus. I did read in my Kotler marketing book that Mary Kay gives her top sellers pink Cadillacs though, and that, my friends, would have been my Barbie dream come true when I was 7 years old.

3) This wasn’t lately but I’ve been thinking about it. Someone who was somewhat new to New York once told me she would travel all the way home to Springfield, Massachusetts to have her hair cut because she didn’t “trust anyone in New York” to touch her hair. I looked at her like she had a twelfth head. Are you kidding me? WE LIVE IN NEW YORK. I’d forgo haircuts in the suburbs for years if it meant one good haircut in New York. God knows I tried to force bob haircuts several times before Simon at Panyc finally cut my hair into something that didn’t look my mom put a bowl over my head and cut with some dull scissors. In any case, if you see me soon, do not look at my hair. I need a haircut in a very bad way. Shameful. Also, I haven’t had a bob in years which is neither here nor there but I just had to remind you.

4) I was walking Earnest the other day and two kids were throwing a baseball to one another. Boy B missed the ball from Boy A and so Boy B said “you stink at throwing” and Boy A said “I’m catching.” As if his shittiness at throwing could be excused if he just pretended that he wasn’t practicing throwing. Haha! I love the logic of children arguing.

5) Right after I passed that hilarity, two 12 year old girls were walking with a toddler. They must have been joint babysitting, because everyone knows two 12 year old girls is better than one. The more stylish of the two had an iPhone in her hand. The old lady grouch in me thought, “what did she do to deserve that!” as I only acquired an iPhone last February as a Valentine’s Day gift to myself. I am pretty sure that some 26 year old saw me at 14 and thought “how come that child has the original Nokia remote control cell phone? What did SHE do to deserve that?” and yeah, you’re right, I did nothing to deserve it. I was spoiled, but I also was very cool and hung out with people who drove so my parents excuse was that they always wanted to get in touch with me. So, yes, I was spoiled and very cool and also played flute in the band and drove a purple Ford Taurus that had like 100,000 miles on it so naturally I fulfill that mental picture you have of me as a teenager and I look exactly like Cher from Clueless.

Not really. This is an actual representation. That’s also my car in the background.

Dress Up for Your English Final

Same thing, right?

I am MAGIC!

1) I have been daydreaming about This Side of Paradise. The exhibit has installations by several artists and is all housed at the Andrew Freedman house in the Bronx, which was like a retirement home for rich people who lost their riches but who were too snobby to be poor. Was that confusing? Read Wikipedia.

2) I also have an outerspace/deep sea obsession and also want to check out the Tom Sach’s Mars exhibit at the Park Ave Armory.

3) I have discussed lobster rolls 5,000,963 times in the past 3 months. It’s time I have one in my mouth. B told me Pearl’s Oyster Bar has the best, AS had once said that Red Hook Lobster Pound was supposed to be best, and Luke’s is supposedly one of the best but last year I went to Governor’s Island for Memorial Day to a food truck fest and Luke’s might as well have just spit on my face when they handed me a SHRIMP ROLL. So. If you know anything that might be helpful in my lobster quest, please leave me a note. If you want to pick me up on I-78, we could also do that and then go up to Maine and eat real effing lobster too. I would be ok with that.

4) I’m also ready to take a sailboat ride around Manhattan. I chose to link to Classic Harbor Line because they have the top rating on Yelp. Don’t you like how I do my research?

5) I want to go on vacation. This is where you bitch slap me because I just got back from vacation. Well, you can suck my _____. My parents and I are going to Alaska in August to visit my brother. For a week! It’s still 3 months away, but I am excited nonetheless. I won’t wear make up and probably will forget to pack a comb, just like I did for Panama, and we’ll hike and kayak and drink whatever alcoholic beverage you drink when you’re kind of in the middle of nowhere and it will be awesome. I can rely on #5 on this list to happen definitely, I only hope that I am not enormously as lazy as AS once told me I was, and can make the other 4 happen too.

And yeah, Panama photos… those are coming soon…

This week’s not been easy. But hey! It’s only Tuesday! By the end of this week things could be even worse. Chin up, my dear!

1. Thinking about this entry on Don’t Call Me Oscar.

2. Mike Montiero’s artwork on 20×200.

3. I was reading up on Cup of Jo the other week and LOL’d at this post slightly mocking how being two years old is so tough. Then I saw this tumblr on how being two is hard via swiss miss yesterday. I love when the interwebs align. And yes, being two is tough! I friggin’ feel like I am living the terrible twos right now even though I am going on 2-7.

4. I flip through Gemma Correll’s “notebook“.

5. And when all else fails, AS’s minion screams “cakeface” in my little ears, I go a little deaf, and then this video is on repeat like 10 times.